then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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