Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
