I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
