she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
