her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
