we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
