If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
