Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
