I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
