Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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