At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
