I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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