Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
