I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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