So drunk its hurt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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