i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
