They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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