i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
