Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
