i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
