Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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