i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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