My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
