rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
