Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
