Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
