So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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