Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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