The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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