non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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