She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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