All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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