My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
