someone threw a dead crab at me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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