I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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