I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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