I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
