my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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