That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Less talking, more tequila
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
