I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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