Nicole vs. Life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
