You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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