Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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