I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
