She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
