you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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