Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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