Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
