Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
