There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
