the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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