I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
