he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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