I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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