Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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