you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
