Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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