I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
