i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
