im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
