he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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