You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
two words: eviction party
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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