Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dicks are not precious.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
