Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
