Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I still have a little drunk in my system
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
