Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was CRYING into my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
