My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?