and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.