i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!