My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
