Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?