Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
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Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.