and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.