i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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