Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
