I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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