Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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