If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i think i just lost a toe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
