You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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