I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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