Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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