I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
